A few weeks back, it seemed both Mother Nature and Mercury were conspiring with each other. The oppressive heat that hit the eastern seaboard forced me to do hard time in my air-conditioned home for a couple of days. And that Mercury in retrograde got me reminiscing. With these two forces working hand-in-hand, it’s no wonder I finally decided to go through some old photos and scan them into my computer.
One of the side effects of going through old photos is remembering the events that have taken place in our lives and of course the friends who have partaken in these events with us. It made me think: As an astrologer, I get so many questions about love and compatibility; however, I get very little to no questions friendship. This is weird to me.
I think many of the answers we’re looking for in love relationships are dangling right in front of our noses in the form of friendships. Friendship is an expression of love, isn’t it? If you really get to know your friends, how they tick, how they express themselves as friends, and their specific abilities as friends, the signs in love really shouldn’t be that much of a mystery. We need to look at friendships as love relationships without all of the messiness of sex and heartbreak – and a good training ground for the happily ever after we’re all aiming for. With that said, I’ve complied one of my infamous “lists” this one concentrating on friendship and the Zodiac…
Aries: Aries people are confused: Why do their friends ask them questions if they don’t want honest answers? It always leads to trouble. These are gregarious, affectionate, loyal folk but they don’t beat around the bush and they don’t have time for bullshit questions like, “Do you think this outfit makes me look fat?” when you both know the get up makes you look like a cow. If you want sugar coating and white lies, go ask your Libra or Pisces friends how your outfit looks. Leave your Aries friend out of it. But if you need someone to defend you, your Aries pal has no problem bashing a bar stool over someone’s head in your honor. Don’t be offended by their brashness and brutal honesty because the beauty of having an Aries friend is they love you despite your obvious faults (though they sometimes have trouble admitting to their own.) If you value knowing where you truly stand with someone, Aries is the friend for you.
Taurus: Their homes are usually hangouts for their friends. Their doors are forever open, their pantries and fridges are well stocked, and they always have a couch for you to crash on when your girlfriend kicks you out. (Jerry Seinfeld is a Taurus; even his TV friends were always loitering at his place.) Yes, Taurus folk instinctively know how to make their friends comfortable and how to feel at ease. Just don’t ask them for money – they work too hard for the stuff (and believe me, they’d rather be doing anything but work) and they need the lucre to support the comfy lifestyle that they (and you) have come to enjoy. Just remember that even though they’re happy to share their stuff with you, they know the difference between a real friend and someone who’s just using them for their hi-def TV. And once they are wise to a user’s game, they have no problem throwing that person out on their ass.
Gemini: This is your friend about town. Your Gemini pal knows the hippest hangouts, the most happening events, and which coffee shop makes the strongest espresso. They probably are involved with several organizations and clubs and as a result they seem to know everyone. A Gemini can’t walk down the street without running into someone they know. And between these random encounters, their cell phones are usually ringing off the hook. Yes, even if you’re having a one-on-one with your Gemini friend, you may feel like your just one of many friends vying for their already overtaxed attention. However, once they do focus on you, you will be duly engaged by their witticisms and entertaining (though somewhat one-sided) conversations. You may need to take a nap after spending some time with a Gemini: Merely being around them can be exhausting.
Cancer: This is the friend who remembers your birthday, your kids’ birthdays, your anniversary (of marriages past and present), your favorite ice cream flavor, your favorite type of flower and all of those other little details about you that others seem to overlook but Cancer knows is important. You need to dump your dog on someone for a week because you decided to take an impromptu vacation? Call Cancer. Need someone to help you cook for 100 guests after learning your caterer flaked out the day before a big event? Call Cancer. Need someone to go drinking with after your boyfriend dumps you for some whore? Call Cancer (but don’t expect them to be the designated driver.) What you deem important, your Cancer deems important. Why? Because Cancer is your friend, and they take friendship very seriously. You become their pet, someone to care for and nurture until you either drop dead or they need to put you to sleep. One word of caution: They are as good at remembering hurts, as they are birthdays and anniversaries. And they will use that information against you if need be.
Leo: These are the entertainers, the party throwers of the Zodiac. Leos don’t like to talk about it much, but Martha Stewart is a Leo. And when it comes to entertaining others in style, she’s the master. Every Leo has a bit of Martha in them. Go ahead, drop in on a Leo pal unannounced. They’ll pull a five-course gourmet meal out of the freezer, dip into the wine cellar, call up a few uber-stylish friends who just so happen to be available and voila, a bash is born. Leos have way too much pride to clamor for a spot on the “A List,” so instead they create their own. Quite simply, they want their social circle to revolve around them. Not that anyone minds: Each person whom Leo calls “friend” is treated like royalty. One word of warning: Leos must realize that other Leos do exist, perhaps even in their circle of friends. In this case, the Leos must learn to take turns being the hostess with the mostess. If not, the Leo instinct to divide and conquer will take over, a war will erupt, and their friends will be forced to either choose sides or leave town. And Martha would definitely not approve of such an ugly scene.
Virgo: Virgos like to think they’re the “voice of reason” among their group of friends; however their friends often see them as wet rags. But don’t tell them: Virgos have no problem criticizing you, but once the tables are turned and they’re on the receiving end of a barrage of criticisms, they’re likely to have a meltdown. They can’t understand why you’re taking issue with them, as they are so devoted to serving you. These intelligent, yet strangely sensitive folks express their servitude by cutting you down and then building you back up again; they’re hoping to create a better you in the process. They’re intentions are pure (if you were wondering, that’s where the whole “virgin” thing comes into play.) Yes, when they give you a $100 gift certificate to a maid service for your birthday, you may be insulted by the insinuation that you’re a slob (though by Virgo’s definition you probably are.) But they truly just want to see you live in a clean, sterile environment because they care about you. My advice is to bite your tongue and come to terms with the twisted way your Virgo friend shows you love. They really have your best interest at heart.
Libra: No one out socializes Libra – not even Gemini or Leo. Their lives are an endless whirlwind of shopping sprees, cocktail parties, luncheons, fashion shows, restaurant openings and art gallery exhibitions. The credit card consolidation companies love them -- most of their business comes from Libras who can’t resist living above their means. If a Libra pal is somehow able to squeeze you into their jam-packed social itinerary, I suggest you take them up on their offer. You’ll have a fabulous time with fabulous people. (Just make sure you dress for the occasion: Don’t embarrass your Libra pal by dressing like crap.) Even if you and your Libra friend keep your get-together small and decide on just sharing an intimate dinner together, you’ll be entertained by Libra’s intelligent bon mots and will be amazed by the free drinks and extra helpings of dessert bestowed on you by the bedazzled wait staff who has fallen under Libra’s spell. However, don’t be surprised when you find yourself picking up the check. Hey, it’s a small price to pay for basking in Libra’s presence, plus you’re helping to keep them out of debtor’s prison. (Truthfully, do you really think they can survive those scratchy, garish, orange prison uniforms?)
Scorpio: These are your friends who usually hate your other friends, the one who says, “I’m not going if she’s going.” It may seem Scorpios want their friends all to themselves, and there is some truth to that theory. Remember, control is their mantra, and it’s hard to exert their power over people they don’t know. Beyond the control issue is their shrewdness in judging someone’s character. Think back to when you first met your Scorpio friend…did they immediately adopt you into their circle? Or did it take some time to get to know them? Probably the latter. And they don’t care if you think someone else is cool: They have to judge for themselves, and will keep your friend at arm’s length until they feel that person is worthy of their presence. Hopefully the Scorpio will eventually give your friend the thumb’s up. Because if they don’t, within a week your friend whom Scorpio rejected will probably betray you and show the “true colors” only Scorpio initially saw. It never fails. It’s almost as if the Scorpio hypnotized your friend to screw you over so they can revel in telling you “I told you so.” However, knowing Scorpio, I wouldn’t put it past them…
Sagittarius: A good bunch to have around as they provide so much comic relief. Their antics are legendary and their ability to have fun is unparalleled. These folks are not known for their refinement: They’ll start a game of quarters at a fancy cocktail party and are always asking the kids to “pull their finger.” If you’re the type who finds outrageous, unbridled comments hilarious, slip on a pair of Depends before you meet up with your Sagittarius friend because they’ll have you laughing past the point of control. Beware if you’re a refined snob: Sagittarians are probably not your cup of tea. But rest-assured, the feeling is mutual: Sagittarians eat pompous assholes for breakfast and burp loudly when they’re done. They make great travel buddies. Do you want to take a last minute vacation? Call your Sagittarius friend. They’ll drop everything and show up on your doorstep 10 minutes later with their passport in hand. With your Sag friend you’re sure to have the adventure of a lifetime. Let’s just hope you live to tell about it.
Capricorn: Capricorns spend so much time in their corner offices, it may seem that the words “Capricorn” and “friend” are mutually exclusive. So it’s no surprise that their friends are usually co-workers or employees pretending to be their friends. (Attention all of you brown nosers looking for a promotion: Capricorns hate ass kissers. That’s why so many hate themselves.) Their “friends” outside of work have been meticulously hand picked for a specific reason: To help them achieve personal or professional goals. These goals include getting into a fancy-schmancy yacht, golf or tennis club, getting a great deal on an expensive luxury vehicle, or scoring the job of a lifetime. Awww…. Are you feeling bad for them because they don’t have the ability to truly connect with other people on a deep level? I’ll let you in on a little secret: Every Capricorn has one “real” and “true” friend whom they open up to and share their authentic selves with. Unfortunately, the rest of us rarely ever come into contact with these “friends.” That’s because the trauma caused by coming into contact with the core of a Capricorn leaves them so shell-shocked they wind up institutionalized and lobotomized, rendering them unable to admit that the Capricorn soul actually exists.
Aquarius: This is the crazy friend you try to hide from your normal friends. You’re attracted to this nut-job because their eccentric ways are strangely appealing. You just can’t resist hearing them banter on about the injustices taking place in your own backyard, and the stories they tell about being taken away in the paddy wagon are oddly amusing. However, mom and dad would probably not approve when you take your Aquarian friend home for dinner and they chastise your family for eating anything but a Vegan diet. Still, this is a great friend to have if you’re one of those people who just can’t seem to stay out of trouble. They usually have an emergency bail fund stashed away for when things get crazy at the picket line and the cops drag them away, and they have no problem using this money on you in case you find yourself in a similar situation. And you can tell them anything: These folks have heard and seen it all. The weirder you are the more they like you.
Pisces: Pisces is your friend in crisis, the friend who is put upon and has it worse than anyone else – that is, according to Pisces. Truthfully, what Pisces considers to be devastating is usually nothing more than a petty annoyance to the rest of us. However, your Pisces friend has an over-active imagination and persecution complex. Trying to cope with their daily misfortunes is all consuming for Pisces. They’ll call you sobbing on the phone. You think the worst has happened. Then once they regain the capacity to speak coherently, they explain why their life sucks and it’s all they can do to go on: Their cat pooped on the carpet which proves it hates Pisces for staying out late last night. Or their mail carrier forgot to pick up a package which goes to show Pisces didn’t tip them enough during the holidays. Or their tomato plant died which goes to show God is angry with them. Yes, you’ll find yourself constantly soothing your Pisces friend through these daily crises. You want to smack them and tell them to snap out of it, but they’re more fragile to criticism than their opposite sign, Virgo. The good news is they have no use for money and possessions, and if you’re their friend, they’ll share everything they own with you -- unless they get sucked in by some cult and hand everything over to them which is entirely feasible knowing Pisces. They really need good-hearted people to watch over them.
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